I want to dive into the phenomenon of “crossing boundaries.” You might have heard — and even used — the phrase, “You have crossed my boundaries!” or “They have crossed my boundaries!” in your life. As I was researching what healthy boundaries are, what they are not, and how they shape our interactions, I came across this expression repeatedly.

The way we speak about our experiences is a strong clue about how we perceive reality versus what is actually happening from a neutral, outside perspective. I thought this could be an insightful entry point into the topic, and I was surprised by what I discovered. I have held space for several trainings solely dedicated to boundaries, and this sentence — “You or they have crossed my boundaries!” — kept surfacing. As a research group, we started to examine what is actually going on when a person is in this state and uses this exact expression.

What we found was the catalyst for writing a book about boundaries. This article is a part of this book in-the-making. It became clear to me that these distinctions and insights need to be shared, as widespread unawareness is causing countless misunderstandings and ongoing conflicts between people. I see the consequences of these inner and outer dynamics in my coaching practice with couples and individuals, during gameworld consulting with intentional communities and ecovillages, and even in my own community.

To make these subtle yet impactful experiences tangible, I created a thought map called “Dynamics of Survival Strategies.” This map translates the invisible, energetic, and emotional survival dynamics into something perceptible.

By engaging with the distinctions I will share — and combining them with practice — you will train your energetic awareness and senses to perceive these dynamics as they unfold around you. Through repeated healing and distinguishing between actions driven by survival mode versus those rooted in the present moment, you will create space within your adult ego state. As a result, you will gain access to the ability to move beyond these patterns and organically will invent more suitable habits to consciously and actively create your life.

Thoughtmap: Dynamics of Survival Strategies

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Thought Map: Dynamics of Survival Strategies

Take a look at the map above. It illustrates two people interacting, each using an opposite survival strategy they developed during childhood.

• Type 1 tends to project forward, energetically moving ahead of their physical body.
• Type 2 retreats, positioning their survival strategy behind their physical body.

I want to emphasize that these locations are based on felt experiences rather than fixed energetic realities. They may correspond to actual energy positions, but I am not clairvoyant — I encourage you to do your own research and describe what you perceive.

When both individuals are in survival mode, they lose access to the feelings that could help them navigate the situation. They also lose conscious awareness of their other senses and the subtle energetic experience of their own body. The reason for this inability is that the navigation tools — such as fear, anger, joy, and sadness — require them to be present in their physical bodies. To use these feelings effectively, they must be in First Position.

First Position is the experience of being centered, being grounded and having declared your own space. Please check this website to learn more about this basic tool. https://firstposition.mystrikingly.com/

When a person enters survival mode, he/she/they slip out of First Position, leaving behind their aliveness, relational skills, and navigation tools, and instead activating their autopilot.

Two Main Survival Strategies

In Possibility Management, two basic survival strategies have been identified: Type 1 and Type 2. Most people lean toward one strategy but may shift between them depending on the context. For example, someone might be Type 1 at work (dominant, ambitious) and Type 2 at home (submissive, eager to please).

Both types stem from numbness to the body and a disconnection from the authentic self. Survival strategies keep you hooked into external authority — whether a person, an institution, or societal expectations. True growth comes from reclaiming your center and unhooking from these influences.

Here is a short overview of the two strategies.

Type 1 Strategy: Stepping Forward

Core Beliefs

• Life is tough; I must fight to survive.
• I need to prove my worth by being the best.
• If I’m not seen or heard, I am nothing.

Common Patterns

• Speaking loudly, quickly, or impulsively.
• Taking charge and overachieving.
• Harsh self-criticism and fear of failure.

Healing Path:

Type 1 must learn to step back, which can trigger deep fears of becoming invisible or unimportant.

Type 2 Strategy: Stepping Back

Core Beliefs

• I am not enough; others are more capable.
• It’s safer to stay small and unnoticed.
• If I express myself, I might get hurt.

Common Patterns

• Speaking only when asked.
• Suppressing natural impulses.
• Remaining passive and withdrawn.

Healing Path

Type 2 must learn to step forward, which can evoke fears of being seen, being too much, or facing rejection.

The Healing Process

Both strategies involve crossing a crucial threshold — learning to set boundaries and reclaiming your adult self. Healing requires emotional integration. Without addressing the emotional roots, survival strategies will continue to operate in the background, keeping you stuck in the past rather than present in the here and now.

The key is to keep crossing the line between survival and authenticity until you find balance. This is where real change begins — defining your boundaries and decisions based on reality, not old stories.

Type 1 Survival Strategy

A person operating with a Type 1 survival strategy is often labeled as the one crossing boundaries — the “bad person,” the one who is loud, provocative, or clumsy in their interactions. They may not understand why their behavior is problematic, insisting on their good intentions or justifying their actions.

They tend to be the ones who know exactly what they want — they go first, without questioning their strategy or checking in with their surroundings. They fill the space, leaving no gaps for others. They are surprised when others would say: ” You are too fast, you take space and leave no room for me and others.” They might say: “But this is who I am.”

Type 1 survival mode comes with a high numbness bar and protection mechanisms. Years of suppressed emotions have created an emotional cover-up blanket. To stay protected, Type 1 individuals build shields — energetic walls, armor, or emotional barriers around their hearts and therefore their capacity to feel feelings like anger, fear, sadness and joy.

By cutting off access to fear, Type 1 individuals lose their ability to sense the right distance, pace, or rhythm when interacting with others.

In the low drama triangle, the favorite role of Type 1 is often the perpetrator, provoking and blaming others for not speaking up or for being absent. Their victim aspect believes they have to do everything alone, while their rescuer mode sounds like:

“Fine, I’ll just do it all by myself again. I can handle it!”

The alternative is being in First Position, centered in the adult self.

In the book I am writing there is a whole chapter about low drama and the consequences. Low drama and the roles are visualised in the drama triangle which was originated by psychiatrist, Stephen B. Karpman in 1968 and further developed and reseached in the gameworld of Possibility Management. Please find more information here: https://lowdrama.mystrikingly.com/

Type 1 Meets Type 2: Survival-to-Survival Communication

When a Type 1 person interacts with a Type 2 person, their communi-cation flows from one survival strategy to the other. As shown in the map, Type 1’s energy literally crosses the physical boundaries of Type 2.

While communicating what they want, the interaction can make Type 1 seem cold, disrespectful, and uncollaborative to a Type 2 individual. Type 2 might say:

“You only do your own thing — you don’t even notice me! You are not listening to what I have said! You’re crossing my boundaries!”

The raw truth is this: When a person is activated in Type 1 survival mode, they are not capable of sensing the other person. They simply cannot. Their energy is directed toward survival, not connection and collaboration.

If they were fully present in their adult self, they would be able to perceive the other person — but at that moment, they are not.

Blaming them for their survival response only makes things worse. Criticism triggers defensiveness, escalating the cycle. Meeting survival mode with attack only creates an attack in return. It’s that simple.

The only leverage point you have is helping them recognize where they are. But this cannot be done from your own survival state. To truly create a shift, you must first return to your adult self before engaging differently in the conversation.

Type 2 Survival Strategy

The felt reality of a Type 2 person is completely different. Their inner structure is built on self-reduction — standing behind their healthy, centered adult self rather than fully embodying it.

They hide behind their strengths instead of using them. They constantly find reasons why stepping up for themselves is impossible.

• They seek revenge, blaming others for crossing their boundaries.
• They have assumptions that turn into expectations — that others should notice them, even though they do everything possible to remain invisible and unclear.
• They give their center away — their reference point for life is outside themselves.
• They erase themselves from life to such a degree that they become invisible to others.
• They are the last to choose, waiting until everyone else has made a decision.

Type 2 individuals are the ones waiting — waiting to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. Over time, they lose their voice, their ability to speak up about what they want and don’t want.

Type 2 survival mode comes with high sensitivity and a tendency to overwhelm.

To maintain this strategy, it is necessary to stay invisible while remaining deeply connected energetically and emotionally to the surroundings. They gather information without speaking up. They use their energetic and emotional bodies to collect data from their surroundings. They use extensions like energetic tentacles, with which they get information before even others might catch it. Like a vacuum cleaner is sucking all the dust and dirt, the tentacles are sucking in endless information. This flood of information often leads to overstimulation.

Type 2 individuals have no real boundaries — they let everything into their system. That’s why people “cross their boundaries.”

The truth is: there are no boundaries.

They don’t realize that they have opened their system so wide that the stream of information becomes toxic rather than useful. It helped to survive as a child, and as an adult there are other ways of getting information by asking and negotiating instead of sucking up all information they can get.

Totally forgotten about their survival strategy and in built technologies, they may believe that life is an overwhelming flood of verbal, energetic, and emotional data for everyone, and therefore assume that others should be able to perceive everything as well. They probably label themselves as “hyper sensitive”. Which they are as a result but not because of a healthy embodiment of natural boundaries but a lack of boundaries, confused by survival strategies.

If you have developed the Type 2 strategy you might get triggered by the above statement. I understand. It was a bitter pill I had to swallow too.

Assuming that a person with Type 1 would be on the same page is like thinking a deaf person could hear music through their ears. They will perceive the music, but totally differently than you think they do.

A person operating in Type 1 survival strategy is not connected to their surroundings — they are covered in numbness and protection mechanisms. They are not feeling at all.

Drama Triangle & Survival Strategies

In the drama triangle, Type 2’s favorite role is often the victim. The victim role has an inbuilt weapon — a free pass to take revenge for all the ways they believe they have been hurt as people were “crossing their boundaries”.

The shift from victim to perpetrator happens when they decide to rescue themselves, saying:

“Yes, it’s not okay that they treat you this way — let’s stand up and tell them!”

This sounds quite empowering, I agree. The way the person would speak up for themselves will make the difference between starting to make a healthy boundary or to keep spiraling within the drama triangle, which would include blaming the other person for one’s own choices.

When looking at both strategies, the dynamic they are locked into becomes more obvious.

When Type 1 and Type 2 interact in survival mode, the result is Low Drama.

Opposites Attract: Survival Strategies in Relationships

You’ve probably heard that opposites attract when it comes to relationships.

This is especially true for survival strategies — they choose each other. Type 1 needs Type 2 to maintain the status quo — and vice versa.

Every system fights for its survival.

By identifying your own survival strategy, you will likely recognise a pattern:

• You surround yourself with the opposite type.
• You engage in conflict with them.
• You replay the same fights over and over again.

The first step toward breaking free is awareness. Once you can see the dynamic, you are no longer in the survival strategy system. You observe it from the outside. You entered the space to create the possibility for change.

If you primarily operate within the survival spectrum, understanding these distinctions may shift the way you relate to your own life from sitting in the passenger seat to the driver seat.

Here is an experiment I want to suggest to examine your personal tendencies of survival strategies when it comes to the path of setting healthy boundaries.

Experiment: Observing Social Behaviour

For the next week, keep a journal or set aside two daily reflection periods (10 minutes each) to document your discoveries.

Guiding Questions

• How do I behave in different social situations?
• With friends, colleagues, family members, at the store, at the bank, etc.
• Do I energetically move forward (engage) or step back (withdraw)?
• What is my internal dialogue in these situations?
• Do I notice emotional reactions surfacing? What triggers them?

Practical Steps

The following steps are an invitation to continue for your upcoming life.

• The muscle to write things down, so your mind will not forget it again is so essential.
• To start feeling and develop the art of being with yourself with all your inner navigation tools. Feelings are essential. Train yourself to feel emotions consciously.
• To do on-goingly Emotional Healing Processes are supporting your growth. EHPs are doorways to becoming lighter, more flexible and movable for Life.

Self-Reflection

Take time to analyse the coping strategies you developed during childhood that may have felt normal but were actually survival mechanisms. What behaviours do you recognise in yourself?

Healing from survival strategies isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about reclaiming what was always yours. As you begin to separate from old patterns and reconnect with your adult self, you’ll notice that setting boundaries no longer feels like a struggle. It becomes natural, effortless — a quiet strength rooted in your core.

Remember, the key is to keep crossing the line. Growth happens when you face the discomfort of stepping forward or stepping back, trusting that you are enough no matter what. This is where the magic of life unfolds — in the small, present here and now.